You can start the conversation by saying something like, “Hey I wanted to talk to you about where we are going in the relationship. Do you have time right now?” Talking about things that you feel vulnerable about will encourage your girlfriend to do the same. This can bring you both closer together. [3] X Research source For example, you could talk about your first childhood memories, a favorite family traditions, worst fears, or lifelong dreams.
To paraphrase, say something like “So what you’re saying is that she was acting immature. " Sometimes people just want someone to talk to and not to receive advice or judgment. Wait for her to ask you for your opinion before trying to help.
Once you can evaluate your girlfriend’s body language, you can notice when she’s feeling uncomfortable or angry. If your girlfriend doesn’t say anything, but she’s exhibiting negative body language, ask her if something is wrong. Make sure that you aren’t giving off any negative signals with the way your body is positioned.
Work on deescalating conflict within your relationship before it gets out of hand or jumps to a different, unrelated issue.
When someone shouts or screams at you, your limbic system is engaged and will affect your amygdala which houses emotional responses in your brain. [6] X Research source When you notice yourself beginning to get angry, take a break from the conversation and walk away. You can say something like “I’m super angry right now, and I just need to get some fresh air. I’m going to take a walk and then we can talk about this when I get home. "
Degrading language or name calling. Casting blame. Using physical force. Threatening divorce. Making assumptions or judgments about your spouse. Bringing up past issues or piling on lots of complaints at once. Interrupting your partner or talking over them.
If you have limited money, don’t make purchases for her and stress yourself out. Instead, think of free ways that you can show your appreciation. Some things you can do include, buying her flowers, cleaning her house, getting her tickets to a show she wanted to see, or sending her a nice text message.
You can say something like, “I really like the way you did your hair today. " To compliment her growth you can say something like, “I noticed that physics doesn’t seem hard for you anymore. It’s really awesome you’ve been able to improve this much. "
While self-preservation and advancement are important to many people, realize that you’re uncaring and unkind when you do things that will hurt the other person and benefit yourself. Motivate your girlfriend to do great things. Do not try to stifle her or prevent her from achieving her goals. Working as a team takes two people. If your girlfriend is unable to care about your dreams and aspirations, it may be time to find a new girlfriend.
If you routinely take care of other people’s needs above your own, you may be exhibiting codependent behavior. [11] X Research source You can say something like, “I really like you and think you’re wonderful, but I need time to get my business straight. It’s been a while since I’ve taken time out for myself so I just need to get some things done for myself right now. "
For instance, if you are going to be late, give her a call and let her know what is holding you up. If you did something you aren’t proud of or feel a certain way, it’s best to let your girlfriend know sooner rather than later. If she doesn’t trust you for previous actions, make a concerted effort to show her that it was a mistake and that you’ve changed.
There are certain things that you shouldn’t compromise on, like your physical or emotional needs. [14] X Research source Do not compromise your moral values for your girlfriend or you may end up resenting her. Work on compromise as a team so that you both can be happy.
If your girlfriend has done something that you don’t approve of, instead of berating or criticizing her, try to understand why she did it in the first place. Supporting her does not mean enabling her to do self-destructive behavior.
You may not like to talk about emotions, but it’s important that you do for the good of the relationship. You can say something like, “I’ve noticed that ever since your Granny died that you’ve been pretty depressed. I’ll always be here to talk, just let me know if you want to. " If you’ve been open, honest, and nonjudgmental, there’s a good likelihood that you’ll be the first person that your girlfriend will turn to when things get tough. Even if you think something is insignificant, remember to try to understand your girlfriend’s perspective.
If you think the relationship is worth saving, you may need to go to counseling to break down emotional and social barriers. Before you see a counselor, try being a nicer, more loving and open partner.
