It is unsafe to have intercourse less than 2 weeks after having a baby. Your body is likely still bleeding and you risk hemorrhaging or contracting an infection. 4 weeks is generally considered safer than 2 weeks. If you have had stitches, your caregiver will likely advise you to wait until you have your 6 week postpartum check-up. A perineal tear, a c-section, or an episiotomy are all potential reasons that you might have stitches. These procedures all require extra healing time.
Your follow-up appointment is a great time to ask your doctor questions. You can ask about your recovery in general, but you can also have an honest conversation about post-baby sex. Prepare a list of questions in advance. That way, you will be more likely to remember to ask about everything that has been on your mind. You can ask questions such as, “Are there any precautions that I need to take when having sex for the first time?” and “If there is discomfort, how can I ease that?”
If you had a c-section or perineal tearing, you may need additional time to heal. You can risk a setback and further wounding your body if you don’t wait. If your doctor says your body is ready for sex, that’s great news. But listen to any other advice offered. For example, if you are told to take it slow and easy, do so. If lubricant is recommended, make sure to get some.
Vaginal dryness is a common problem, especially if you are breastfeeding. You may continue to experience this for the duration of breastfeeding. Lubricants can help. However, if you feel discomfort or pain, it is perfectly fine to hold off on having sex. Pay attention to your body’s needs. If the thought of having sex makes you anxious, that is probably a sign that you need to wait longer. And that’s fine.
Before you will feel like having great sex again, you’ll need to start getting more sleep. This might seem impossible, but it is important for your sex life. However, the correlation between sex and sleep goes both ways. Having sex can actually help you sleep more restfully. Even if you are exhausted, try having sex if you feel physically capable. The few hours of sleep you grab will feel more restful. Once you start getting more sleep, you’ll feel more motivated to have more sex. It is a cycle. Try going to bed a half hour earlier. Make this a time specifically for sex.
Start by accepting the changes that have happened. For example, you may notice that your breasts feel and look much differently. That’s normal. Try not to let your feelings about your body impact your desire to have sex. Another common worry is that your body will feel differently to your partner after you give birth. It’s possible that it might. Accept that your body has physically changed, and that sex will be different for both of you. But that does not mean that it is not still good.
When your hormones are out of balance, your sex drive can vary. Many women will feel ready to have sex, but just as many won’t feel ready for several months. Remember that feeling either way is fine. And it’s normal for your feelings to shift from day to day, and even hour to hour. You will also be spending most hours of the day holding and caring for your newborn. When it’s finally time to take a break, you may feel the need for some personal space. It’s ok if you don’t feel like being touched.
Some couples begin having sex 1 month after giving birth. Others prefer to wait 6 months. Give yourself time to feel ready to be intimate again. If you feel nervous about sex, you won’t feel aroused. Wait to try until you feel ready. Take it slow. Once you feel ready for sex, be gentle and take the process slowly. This can help ease your fears about physical discomfort. Remember—after you give birth and start caring for your child, your body is hyper-vigilant and on high alert. It takes about 5 years for your body to go back to the way it was before.
Allow family and friends to help. When you’re a new parent, you might feel the need to be with your baby 24/7, which is normal. If a trusted family member or friend offers to give you a break, take them up on their offer. You and your partner deserve a little time for yourself. Consider treating yourself and your partner to a relaxing activity. It might feel good to get a couples massage or go out for dinner. Spending some time together as a couple can help you reconnect. This can inspire both of you to put more focus on recharging your sex life.
In order to start having great sex again, it’s important to try to regain your confidence in your body. Remind yourself that your body is amazing–giving birth is no small accomplishment! If you feel up to it, start getting some exercise. You can take a long walk or attend a post-natal yoga class. Physical exercise can increase your confidence levels. Just make sure to clear it with your doctor before you resume your workouts. Try cleaning yourself up. It can be easy to forget to shower or put on actual clothes when you’re a new parent. When you feel ready, dry your hair and put on an outfit that makes you feel good. This can make you feel more like yourself again, and ready for sex.
Share your feelings. If you are nervous about having sex, talk to your partner. Try saying something like, “I’m still experiencing a lot of tenderness. I am a little anxious about having sex. " If your partner is the one who gave birth, you may have your own concerns. Try sharing by saying, “I’m worried that I will hurt you or cause you pain during sex. " Validate one another’s emotions by listening. By talking to each other, you can connect and exhibit trust.
Give each other massages. Light some candles, get some scented oils, and help each other relax. You’ll feel physically connected without the anxiety. Take a shower together. Let the steam and scented soaps help you feel sexual with each other. You could also try a bubble bath. Touch each other. Hold hands, cuddle during a movie, and kiss each other multiple times throughout the day.
During postpartum sex, it can be helpful to let the woman control the pace and pressure. Try a woman on top position. This way, the female can set the tone during sex. Side-by-side can also be a great way to make sex feel good to both of you. This position typically causes penetration to be less deep, which can be helpful for someone who is healing. Communicate during sex. Tell your partner what feels good and what doesn’t.
Go on a date night. Ask a family member to come over. Take some time for an adult dinner and movie out of the house. If a sitter isn’t feasible, have a date night at home. When the baby is sleeping, take some time to cuddle on the couch and catch up on your Netflix shows. Take time to focus on your relationship outside of parenthood. On your dates, make sure to talk about something other than the baby. Talk to each other about outside interests. When you’re a new parent, it’s natural to focus on sleep schedules and breastfeeding, but don’t forget that you and your partner are attracted to each other for other reasons.
Make a sex date. You can work this into your schedule the same way that you plan things like doctors appointments and paying the bills. This may not seem totally romantic, but it is worth it. Once you get in the habit of having regular sex again, you will no longer need to plan it in advance. You may schedule the act itself, but that doesn’t mean that your lovemaking has to be routine. Surprise each other by trying some new moves. It’s okay to be flexible. You’ll have to work around your baby’s schedule. But make sure to keep your sex date, even if it has to be pushed back or moved forward. If necessary, skip the housework for once.
Encourage one another. Say things like, “You’re a great mom. And that makes me love you even more. " You will likely find that parenthood deepens your connection. Which is an excellent way to help your sex life be fantastic.
