Avoid scheduling out your time together. Try to plan your meet-ups day of so they’re more impromptu and less routine. If you find yourself fantasizing about your friend with benefits, you may not be in the correct emotional space to pursue a relationship like this.
Talk about fun things, like books, movies, music and work. Treat your friend with benefits like a co-worker or acquaintance that you don’t know very well.
When you or your partner start getting jealous, have a conversation about whether this relationship is still working for you. Recognize that your jealous feelings may mean you have fallen in love, and if so, get out of the relationship as soon as possible.
Giving yourself space also includes other forms of communication. Don’t call them or reach out to them online. To get yourself through the separation, trying exercising or giving hugs. Exercise increases your dopamine levels and touch increases the oxytocin in your system, which will make you feel happier and calmer.
Dating a new person is also a great way to get your mind off of someone else. When you feel yourself starting to go down the love rabbit hole, force your mind to think of something else.
You can meet your sex friend anywhere: at a bar, at the bank, in a class. Look for someone you’re sexually attracted to, but wouldn’t consider dating long-term. Try not to pick someone you’re already close friends with. Introducing sex into your friendship might derail an already good relationship.
Be honest from the beginning that you’re not looking for anything serious and that you’re only looking to keep things casual. State your needs clearly and directly. In most cases, you will be more effective if you beat around the bush less. If one of you has feelings for the other, then it’s time to break off the relationship. Relationships like these only work when both partners are on the same page. Remember to make a proposal and define the terms of the relationship. Discussing your expectations is important. How often will you see each other? What are the expectations in the friendship and with the sexual relationship? Can you see other people at the same time? How can you ensure everyone’s safety from STDs if so? Getting as specific as possible will help eliminate confusion, mixed signals, and potential problems or fights in the future.
Don’t spend time talking or stressing about emotions. Over-thinking the relationship will only cause it to implode. Keep it lighthearted. This relationship exists for you to have fun and let off steam. Don’t make it any more complicated than that.
Don’t take it for granted that you’ll be asked to spend the night. Be cognizant that you both have other things going on. Understand that as other relationships come and go, you may see each other less. This is completely normal.
If the sex stops being good or fun, that’s a sign you should end the relationship. If one of you enters into an exclusive relationship with another partner, then it’s time to end the relationship. If you’ve stopped enjoying each other’s company, then it’s time to end the relationship. Do not try to upgrade your friend with benefits to boyfriend. Don’t hold on to something, just because you’re scared to lose it.
If you have any sexual fantasies, share them with your partner. He may be willing to try things with you that previous partners passed on. Make sure you reciprocate. Don’t be a selfish lover – give as much as you’re getting.
This courtesy should be extended both ways. If you feel your sex friend isn’t making an effort for you, it may be time to end the relationship. Don’t feel like you have to dress up the way you would for a first date. You’re not trying to impress your sex friend, you’re just practicing common courtesy.
Don’t rely on old favorites - change up your sex position each time you have sex. Try having sex somewhere other than in the bedroom, on the bed. Experiment with toys and role playing.
Continue to use the condom, even if both of you have recently been tested. Your relationship is not exclusive, so it’s important that you protect yourself as much as possible. Do not do anything you and your partner aren’t comfortable with or haven’t talked about. Make sure everything is consensual and everyone feels safe.
