Say something like “I know that you are scared. I’m going to help you, I promise. ”
Active listening involves more than simply asking your child what’s bothering them. Sit down or kneel to get on their level, and make eye contact as they describe their fears. This lets them know you take their concerns seriously.
If they are afraid of their dolls at night, ask them if they have ever seen one of their dolls move on their own. This will help jumpstart the process of delegitimizing their worries. Very young children may not be as receptive to being told monsters are not real. You may need to help a young child feel ready to take on the threat of a monster. By age six or seven, though, you should be able to speak clearly with your child about fact versus fiction.
Perhaps they could draw them slipping on a banana peel. You may also have them write a silly story about their monster, or tell them a story that makes their monster seem like less of a threat.
You might say something like “I know you are scared. But your room is a safe place and it is okay for you to sleep there. I won’t let anything get you. I’m going to stay with you for a little bit until you fall asleep, okay?”
You might begin the conversation by saying “I know you are still scared from seeing that fight yesterday. We can talk about it any time you want to. Do you want to talk about it now?” You may also ask your child, “What would help you feel less afraid?” They may be able to direct you to a practical answer if asked outright. If they are afraid because of a burglar, consider purchasing a home alarm system and explaining to them how it works and keeps bad people out. Lock your windows and doors. Get a guard dog.
The Monster at the End of this Book Can’t You Sleep, Little Bear? The Owl Who Was Afraid of the Dark What a Bad Dream
This is a great way to shift their focus at night to something more positive and constructive.
Consider even giving them one of these items from your childhood. Otherwise, you could also go shopping to allow them to pick out one that is special to them. You may even appoint a favorite stuffed animal or toy as a guardian or watcher to place somewhere special in the room where they will be able to watch over and protect your child. You can also create a “magic” object that will help protect your child. A spray bottle filled with water could be their monster spray that they use every night before bed.
Consider placing parental controls on their televisions so that they cannot access this frightening material on their own.
You may also want to work with your child to get comfortable in the dark. Walk through the lit room with them, then turn out the lights and go through the room again, having them touch things to identify them. This can help create some comfort.
Take a look at the room from your child’s level. Squat down and look at look at everything from about their height to get an idea of what may frighten them.
Make sure the pet is not very noisy as well so that it doesn’t affect their sleep. If you have a dog, cat, or other large pet, you can talk to your child about how the pet helps keep the monsters away at night. Let your child think your dog is a guard dog.
