Make sure you verbalize your condolences. You can say something like, “I am so sorry for your loss. ” You can start by saying that you are available if she needs to talk with you or spend time with you. You can say something like, “I know this is a difficult time for you and I just want you to know that I am here for you. Is there any way I can help?” Offer to help your friend with any practical tasks. During this time, your friend may have to help cover costs of the funeral, unpaid bills, clean out her loved one’s home, go through items, and deal with other financial and legal concerns. [2] X Research source You can offer your help and support if you feel comfortable.
Good food ideas are: home-made lasagna, a casserole, banana bread, and soup. Try to prepare dishes that can be put in the microwave or oven easily. Provide simple instructions on a post-it note if needed.
Some examples of appropriate gifts might include flowers, a written letter, or a card. It is also sometimes helpful to provide the family with a cash donation for funeral costs.
Make sure that if you go, to use your manners and dress appropriately by wearing nice, neat, clothing. People also may wear black to the funeral (depending on the culture). Say something positive about the funeral arrangements; this can help convey a sense of support and community, and help your friend gain closure. [7] X Research source You can say something like, “That was such a nice and meaningful service. ”
One way you can initiate contact with your friend is by texting or calling her and saying, “I know this is hard and I want to be there for you. Can we spend some time together?” Depending on how your friend responds you can act accordingly. She may not feel up to it, so don’t press the issue; say something like, “I completely understand. Please do let me know if you want me to come over in the future. Also, if you need anything else don’t hesitate to ask. " Your friend may just want a shoulder to cry on, or someone to sit around in pajamas with. Be open to just sitting around and tolerating her being sad. Try not to cheer her up if she doesn’t request it.
Focus on your friend’s personal values and beliefs. For example, avoid saying generalized things like, “they are in a better place now” to people who are not religious or do not believe in an afterlife. You can express your empathy by saying, “I know how hard this is for you. ” You can even tell her about a time that you experienced a loss in order to empathize further and communicate your understanding of her feelings.
Be patient with your friend during the grief process.
If your friend refuses to see you or doesn’t want to talk, don’t take it personally. She could just be too tired or depressed to want to interact with anyone, and this is completely normal.
You can watch TV, play video games, have a home spa, or anything to take their mind off of her family member. Make sure your friend enjoys what you are doing.
Offer to take your friend to the movies, a sporting event, a roller/ice skating rink, or anything else they enjoy doing. If she is not ready to do anything, don’t push the issue. Some people may need more space than others, so adjust your approach accordingly. [14] X Research source Perhaps just talk to your friend on the phone if she isn’t ready to go out in public yet. Try to go to places that aren’t very crowded.
To personalize it, think of activities that your friend previously enjoyed doing (but maybe now feels too upset to engage in) such as certain sports or games. Offer to go along with your friend while she does these things. Story-telling about the loved one or journaling about the loved one can help individuals cope with the death of a loved one. [15] X Research source If you notice that your friend is having difficulty coping you can ask, “Have you ever tried writing about it? I’ve heard that writing down stories of times you spent with your loved one can be helpful. ” Rituals and symbolic activities can also help with the grieving process. This include family traditions, activities shared with the deceased loved one, and religious activities or traditions (prayer, meditation, attending religious services). [16] X Research source You can assist your friend in finding information on how to healthfully grieve. One way to gain education is to learn about the five stages of grief. [17] X Research source www. mccombwagner. com/download/24712/TheFiveStagesofG. pdf If your friend is a minor, or open to young-minded literature, you can encourage her to read information that is geared toward young people about how to cope with the death of a loved one.
Some ways to keep the relationship alive include: dedicating a project to the person, continuing or finishing a project the person was involved in, passing on the values of the loved one to others, planting a garden in memory of the individual, lighting a candle in memory,[19] X Research source and the list goes on. Another way to keep the relationship alive is to make a scrapbook with pictures of the family being happy with the lost relative.
There are therapists or grief counselors that specialize in the treatment of individuals who have experienced a loss. If your friend is school aged (5-18) and lost her parents or a caregiver, she may need additional help. [25] X Research source You can discuss your concern for your friend with a school counselor in order to get her the help she needs. A Bereavement support group can also be a helpful and relieving option because it can give people the sense that others share their pain. [26] X Research source [27] X Research source
