The worst thing you can do is disappear after your friend goes through a tragedy. Be there for them, even if you feel awkward about it.
Ask your friend before you visit them. Don’t drop by unannounced. Frequent, short visits are often better than long ones.
Send your friend a “thinking of you” card on their child’s birthday or the anniversary of their death, or just mention that you were thinking about their child. You can also comment on a memorial page the parents have set up online or on social media on these occasions. Don’t forget about second, third, and subsequent anniversaries. Anniversaries never stop being sad days for bereaved parents, but few others even remember them after the first year.
For instance, you could say something like, “This is really terrible. I’m so sorry that you’re going through this. ” Don’t ever say, “At least you’re young enough to have more kids,” or anything like that. Even if you mean well, you’re still minimizing your friend’s grief, and that will make them feel worse.
For many bereaved parents, talking about their child and their own feelings is a necessary part of the healing process.
For example, instead of saying, “Would you like to talk about it?,” say “Would you like to tell me about Randy?”
For instance, you could say something like, “I’ll never forget how much Michael made us all laugh when our families went to the zoo together last year. ”
It’s better to stay quiet than to accidentally make your friend feel worse.
For instance, say something like, “Would you like me to come over and help you around the house tonight?” or “I made some food for you to put in the freezer. When should I bring it over?” Don’t just tell your friend to let you know if they need anything. Many people don’t like to ask for help, even if they need it. Take the initiative yourself.
Do not tell anyone about your friend’s loss unless they give you permission. It should be your friend’s right to decide how and when to break the news.
Don’t worry that you might be bringing back painful memories for your friend. For most bereaved parents, it’s very comforting to know that someone else still remembers and cares about their child.
Ask religious and spiritual leaders in their community about such groups. You might also contact mental health counselors or therapists to see if they facilitate parent bereavement groups. You might also search for groups online like The Compassionate Friends. [11] X Research source
