Do not force your friend to talk. Never press them for all the details because they may be embarrassed and, more importantly, it is none of your business. If they say “I don’t want to talk about it” then respect their wishes. Let them know you are there to listen. [1] X Research source Ask them if they would like advice or feedback rather than providing unsolicited advice. [2] X Research source If you have been through a similar situation, you can tell them about it.
Denial: This is when your friend chooses to believe that the situation is just a misunderstanding, that it will all blow over, and that everything can be worked out. Resentment and Anger: By laying blame on the spouse who initiated the proceedings, your friend is feeling lost or shell shocked. They do not understand how this could be happening to them, or how their partner could do this. Bargaining: This occurs by making commitments to change or the promise to stop a particular action. The hope is to get their spouse to stay. Depression: When your friend knows that the marriage is over, the overwhelming feeling of sadness, knowing that is powerless to change the situation, can easily send one into a cycle of depression. Acceptance: Realizing that their marriage has ended, and that there is no sense dwelling on it, gives your friend the closure and power to move forward with their life.
In all likelihood, your friend will have told you ahead of time the date that the final decree will be handed down, or shall arrive by courier. In this case, think of making a dinner date in advance. It will give your friend a chance to express any leftover feelings, or even reminisce.
Infidelity: Extramarital affairs can be a symptom of a failing marriage, when one or both partners try to regain some of the excitement of their early years. It can be the final straw that breaks the bond of a failing marriage. Growing apart: Over the years, the hopes and dreams you had when you were first married can change. What one partner wants out of life may completely differ from that of their spouse. After the kids have grown, you find yourself living with a stranger. The can result with each of you going your separate ways. Independence: After years of depending on her spouse financially, women can find a longing to find their independence and gain confidence and happiness in providing for themselves. Divorce holds less stigma now: Today, divorce is more acceptable in society than 30 to 40 years ago. Those who stayed married due to social status or because of religious beliefs are now feeling more free to venture down the path of divorce. Empty nest syndrome: Once the children have graduated and moved on, be it to college or the working world, the glue that held the marriage together is no longer there. The partners realize (and deep down, have probably known for some time) that without their children, they really have nothing in common. Too much time together: Finding themselves in a similar situation as an Empty Nest marriage, the retirement years can bring about the realization of how little the partners have in common. One option is to be happy within their marriage, while pursuing their own interests. The other is to part ways and ultimately divorce.
Possibly one of the most difficult adjustments to make after divorcing, especially when it occurs later in life, is learning to be comfortable doing things on their own. No matter how the couple’s interests changed over time, at this stage, it was likely they were at least comfortable in each other’s company. Going out to a movie theater, for dinner, or even just going out for a cup of coffee was something your friend has possibly never done on their own.
