The child will identify with the characters and understand that the characters’ feelings of grief are normal. This will help them while they emotionally process and mourn the dog’s death.
If you know in advance that the dog is dying or that you will need to euthanize the dog, you can start the talk early. You can say, “Roger is very old and sick. The vets did everything they could, and now we have to say goodbye. This is the nicest thing that we can do for him. He will die peacefully and without pain. ”[2] X Research source
You can say, “We have very sad news. Daisy died today. ” Avoid telling your child that the dog ran away. This may confuse them, and they may expect the dog to return. [4] X Trustworthy Source The Humane Society of the United States National organization devoted to the promotion of animal welfare Go to source
You should explain that death is natural. You can say, “All animals eventually pass away. The important thing is that we remember our loved ones, and we keep them in our hearts forever. ” They may ask you what death is. It may be easiest to describe it by saying that the body stops working. You can say “Death is when you stop breathing, and your heart stops beating. Max can’t walk or run, eat, sleep, or see anymore. But the good part is that he can’t feel pain anymore, either. ” Some children may not understand that death is permanent or final. You might tell them, “Death is natural, and it lasts forever. Max may not return to us, but that does not mean we have to forget him. ” Over time, your child will come to understand death.
If your child asks what will happen to the dog’s body, you can say, “We are going to have Max cremated. This means that his body will be turned into ashes. Don’t worry. He can’t feel pain anymore. ” You can also say,“We’re going to bury Lulu in the backyard. ” Avoid using words like “burn” or “fire. ”[5] X Research source If your child asks what happens to the dog after death, you can take the opportunity to explain any beliefs about the afterlife that you may hold. You can also say “I don’t know” if you’re not sure about the afterlife. You can even state that although the dog is no longer with you, they will always live in your happy memories of them. [6] X Trustworthy Source Child Mind Institute Nonprofit organization providing evidence-based care for children with mental health and learning disorders and their families Go to source If your child asks if they are going to die or if you are going to die, you can tell them, “It’s not likely to happen for a long time. ”[7] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source
If the dog was killed in an accident, you should be careful with what details you tell your children. Younger children may become scared or anxious if you tell them that the dog was hit by a car or attacked by another dog. Instead, you can say, “Sparky died today. It was very sudden. ” Older children may be able to handle the idea that their dog was killed in an accident, but you should only inform them about the cause of death, not any of the particular details. For example, you can say “There was an accident. Lulu was hit by a car, and unfortunately, she did not survive. ” In this case you should emphasize that no one was at fault. You can say, “It was an accident. We’re not blaming anyone for it. ”
You can say, “I know that this must be hard for you. How are you feeling? Can you tell me?” Your child may state that they are sad or upset. You can respond by saying, “I’m sad too. ” It is normal for children to blame themselves for the dog’s death, even if they had nothing to do with it. They might also express resentment against you or the vet for not saving your dog. [10] X Trustworthy Source The Humane Society of the United States National organization devoted to the promotion of animal welfare Go to source You might tell your child, “You had nothing to do with Skipper’s death. His body just stopped working. There is nothing that any of us could have done. ”
With younger children, set out a coloring book and some crayons. Color together for a little while and talk about your drawings together.
You can tell your child what emotions you feel. You could say, “I feel sad too. I’m going to miss Gigi so much. It makes me hurt inside too. ” Don’t be afraid to cry in front of your child. This can show them that crying is a normal reaction and that they should not be ashamed of crying after a loved one has died. If your grief is making it difficult for you to complete daily tasks or if you cannot stop crying, you should find a confidante or consult a doctor. [14] X Trustworthy Source Child Mind Institute Nonprofit organization providing evidence-based care for children with mental health and learning disorders and their families Go to source
Another option is to ask your child what their favorite story about their dog is. You can share yours as well.
For example, if they are giving a doll a funeral, you might make sure that they understand what a funeral is.
If your child wants space while they grieve, you should give it to them. They may not want to join in activities such as a funeral, memorial, or family discussions. Do not force them to participate unless they want to.
If you are religious, you can ask the child to help you write or find a prayer for the dog. If you have multiple children, each should have their own part in the funeral. Perhaps one can bring flowers, one can sing a song, and one can carry the urn.
A scrapbook of all of their memories with their dog A drawing of their dog that you can hang on their wall A letter to their dog A plaster paw print or bone with the dog’s name A shadowbox filled with the dog’s pictures, toys, or collar A story about the dog as written by the child
This is probably not the best time to take a family vacation. In most cases, you should probably not let a child miss school because they are grieving for the dog. If the child is inconsolable or traumatized, however, you might consider staying home with them for a day. If you find that your own grief is too strong, you might ask a friend, spouse, or family member to help out with the children for a while so that you have your own space to grieve.
Your children may start asking when you will get a new dog. You can say, “We will adopt a new dog in the future, but now is not the right time. ”
