Broach this topic gently and tactfully to avoid making your loved one feel defensive. For instance, you might say, “I’m a little worried about you. You seem lonely and isolated lately. I care about you and want you to be happy. Do you think seeing a therapist would help you have an easier time talking to people?” Seeking help early is important because it can help your loved one avoid the negative side effects of untreated avoidant personality disorder, such as depression. [2] X Research source If the relationship is a romantic one, you might offer to go to couples therapy with your beloved. If the relationship is a sibling or other relative, you might suggest going to family therapy.
Make sure the person knows they have your support and acceptance, but don’t put pressure on yourself to solve your loved one’s problems for them. [3] X Research source Don’t tell your loved one how they should act. Instead, talk to them about how they feel, and the ways they’d like to improve themselves. [4] X Expert Source Ran D. Anbar, MD, FAAPPediatric Pulmonologist & Medical Counselor Expert Interview. 1 July 2020. Say something like “I want you to know that I love you and I support your choice to get help. If there’s something I can do, you need only ask. "
Be available for your loved one if they need someone to talk to or a shoulder to lean on, and encourage them to adopt healthy stress relief strategies such as exercise. Invite them to exercise with you. “Hey, why don’t we go for a hike this weekend,” or “Would you like to join me in Zumba class?” are great ways to help a best friend, sibling, or partner stay physically active and fight stress. Yoga is also a great way to help enrich the person both mentally and physically. Yoga is an exercise that combines meditation and stretching. When you notice that your loved one has done something differently, give them positive feedback, which will encourage them to make more changes in their life. [6] X Expert Source Ran D. Anbar, MD, FAAPPediatric Pulmonologist & Medical Counselor Expert Interview. 1 July 2020.
You might say “I know you’re going through a difficult time right now, but I want you to know how much I admire your strength and perseverance. You are such an inspiration to me. " You can also talk to the person about the things that interest them. Go out of your way to find out more about those interests, and learn to share their excitement. [8] X Expert Source Ran D. Anbar, MD, FAAPPediatric Pulmonologist & Medical Counselor Expert Interview. 1 July 2020. Depending on your relationship with this person, it may also help to ask others to join in. Tell your girlfriend’s best friend that she’s been having a hard time, and that she could use some extra praise and reassurance. Suggest to your parents that they take a break from stressing your brother about college and, instead, you all could go on a fun family outing. Eliminating a little of the stress and replacing it with positives could help a great deal.
Extreme shyness Intense anxiety in social situations Excessive worry about potential problems Avoiding social and other risks Intense fear of rejection, disapproval, and criticism High sensitivity to perceived rejection or criticism Low self-esteem and feelings of inadequacy Difficulty functioning at school or work because of these issues
Because avoidant personality disorder is so central to the way a person thinks and acts, it is difficult to get rid of the condition entirely; however, cognitive behavioral therapy can help people with this disorder learn coping strategies for a more fulfilling life. Learning the resistant nature of personality disorders may influence how you choose to move forward with the relationship. If it’s a significant other, you may decide that you can’t handle their insecure behavior and want to move on. If it’s a best friend, you may feel that this person’s tendency to isolate keeps you from making other friends. Knowing more about the disorder can help guide your decisions about the future of your relationship with this person.
Attending a support group can also be helpful for those who have avoidant personality disorder, but many people with this condition prefer not to meet others face-to-face. For a low-pressure alternative, help your loved one find an online support group.
Set boundaries to limit time as needed. For example, “I need to start homework soon but I can talk for 30 minutes,” or “I can’t talk after 9 pm because I need to rest. " This way, you can support them, without giving up too much time for other important parts of your life. Honesty is important for a healthy relationship. It’s okay to say something like, “I want to support you, but I’ve been feeling a little overwhelmed lately and I need some space. ” Tell your boyfriend you need to take a break for awhile. Mention to your friend that you need some time to think.
You should not be the only support person for the person with AvPD, as this isn’t fair to either one of you. If you are too busy or overwhelmed to help them when they need help, you can suggest that they go to another close loved one. Even young children can help. For example, you could say “Your big sister is having a bad day. She might feel better if she could spend some time reading or playing video games with you today. "
Let your loved one decide for themselves if and when they want to engage in interactions with other people. [13] X Research source This can be especially hard if the person is your significant other or best friend. These relationships are naturally social ones; however, if your girlfriend does not like hanging in groups, support her interests and stick to smaller group settings. If your best friend doesn’t want to go to a party, see if you can go with another group of acquaintances.
Romantic and close relationships may suffer from this because, if your date or BFF pushes you away, you immediately will think you did something wrong. Just try to remember the unique traits of this person. Also, remind yourself that they have only a few social relationships. So, if they are keeping you around, they must still like you and want you in their life.
If your loved one lives in the same house with you, make an effort to get some away time for yourself often. Make plans with friends or go on a daytime outing just to clear your head. If your loved one is a significant other, take the opportunity to get therapy, if possible. It can be detrimental to your self-confidence when your S. O. pulls away out of the blue. Get counseling to address how their personality disorder is impacting you. If your loved one is a friend, be sure to sustain other friendships. It can be easy to get lost in this person’s world, but it’s healthy and absolutely OK to have outside friendships, too.
