Ways to ignore a bully include walking away, acting as if you aren’t listening to them, or telling them that you’re not interested in what they are saying. For example, you have options if a bully tells you that your school project was terrible. You can walk away. You might also tell him directly, “Your opinion doesn’t really matter to me. ” Ignoring a bully doesn’t necessarily mean acting as if the abuse isn’t taking place. What it means is that you refuse to react how they want you to react.
Saying something as simple as “Why would you say that?” turns an insult back on the bully, without seeming aggressive. You might also try being dismissive of the bully, saying “Really?” “Whatever,” or even pretend not to hear. All can help to deflate the bully’s behavior. The key to deflation is to confront the hater without retaliation. You poke a hole in their attempt to control you. If they see that you aren’t vulnerable to their abuse, they may move on.
This technique is not always easy and might be outside of your control. However, you can sometimes work against a bully. Try deflating them in front of others, for example. Say that you walk into the lunch room and your hater starts to tear down your performance in the school play in front of a group. Saying, “Geez, it’s only a play. Hey Alex, I heard that you scored tickets to the big game. Great!” both deflates the bully and deflects the conversation. You have taken away his audience.
It is in your interest to report threats and assaults. If you don’t, the bully may become more aggressive. Your safety should come first. Standing up to abuse is your choice, but don’t take unneeded risks with an aggressive hater or bully. Tell someone if you feel threatened or in danger. [4] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source
Intent is the big difference between these two kinds of criticism. Why is a person criticizing you? If they are trying to hurt you, to be cruel, or to just tear you down, it’s destructive. If a person gives criticism that points out your mistakes or faults, but also how you can improve, it is constructive. It still might hurt, but it is worth listening to. Say that your hockey teammate tells you, “You’re a terrible skater” or “You really suck out there. ” These are examples of destructive criticism – “hating. ” It would be constructive if your teammate had said, “You’re a weak skater. Try bending more at the knees and getting lower to the ice. You’ll get more power in your stride”
Examples of destructive criticism include, “You’re stupid,” “What’s wrong with you?” “You’re doing this all wrong. ” Note that the criticism attacks you and your personal worth. Examples of constructive criticism include, “Your writing sounds kind of stilted. Try to use simpler sentences,” or “You nearly hit that car. Always check your blind spot before changing lanes. ” It can be hard to separate yourself from your work or other things that you love. Try not to take it personally. Someone who criticizes your writing, for example, is not attacking who you are as a person. They may just want to help you improve.
For example, a hater would say something along the lines of “Only an idiot would do it this way. ” The tone is very personal, insulting, and hurtful. A constructive critic might take the same fault but express it more kindly: “This is wrong, but it’s a common mistake. What you could have done differently is. . . ” Note that the tone is more impersonal and leads to a piece of advice.
A hater will never (or rarely) have suggestions for how you can improve, e. g. “That was pathetic!” or “Why did you waste your time on that?” Constructive criticism offers useful advice. For example, say you get a low grade on a paper and the comment, “It seems like you wrote this essay very fast. It is filled with errors. Always make sure to proofread!” This criticism may be blunt, but it offers genuine advice.
Criticism can be hard to hear. However, we sometimes need to hear the truth in order to grow. Don’t resist all criticism. Learn to tell constructive criticism from destructive criticism. Be open to criticism when it’s mean to help you.
Try to remain objective or outside yourself when getting constructive feedback. Remind yourself, “They aren’t attacking me. This isn’t about me personally. ” Try active listening techniques during the conversation, like paraphrasing. If you are getting written feedback, read and re-read the comments to make sure that you understand.
For example, “Can you please clarify what you meant when you said that my thesis statement was “fuzzy?”
Take a deep breath if you feel overwhelmed or angry. Think: is it the criticism that bothers you or the way in which the criticism was delivered? If the criticism is constructive, overlook the delivery.
Consider asking a friend, mentor, or family member about criticism – make sure that it is someone whom you trust but who will give you the truth. For example, “Sam, my teacher said she thinks I’m working below my ability. I trust you and want to know your opinion. ”
Self-reflection is a sign of maturity. Responding to criticism will not only help you, but also shows others that you are willing to face up to your weaknesses, address them, and improve.
