Becoming defensive Withdrawing Internalizing anger and stewing over the criticism Shutting down Retaliating with anger or blame
Responding assertively doesn’t mean that you agree with the criticizer. Rather, it means you don’t have an emotional attachment to the criticism and respond appropriately. [3] X Research source If the criticism is constructive and valid, your assertive response might simply be to accept the criticism or to accept it and openly agree with the other person, which shows self-confidence and willingness to change your behavior. Another assertive response is to ask, “why do you say that?” in a non-accusatory way. This indicates a genuine interest in their thought process and how you’re being received. You might also disagree and say, “No, I do not always forget to empty the recycle bin, although I do forget on occasion. Not always, though. ” This shows that you take responsibility for your actions, but not sweeping generalizations.
Make sure that your questions aren’t antagonistic or designed to prove the speaker wrong.
One great technique is to look for the positive. Whether the criticism is valid or not, there is always something positive to be found. Say your boss criticizes you for not arranging the files in a way that they think makes sense. Sure, hearing that might feel rotten, but rather than take it personally, look for the positive – you get to develop an even better filing system that will universally work for everyone. Another good way to not take criticism personally is to turn the meat of the criticism into “if” language. Ask yourself what the main point of the criticism was. Then, ask, “if” this were true, for example, if it were true that you were always late, how could you improve the situation? This allows you to emotionally distance yourself from the criticism and tackle the actual issue, if there is one.
One common method to remain cool when criticized is to acknowledge true statements that have been made, and to correct or clarify incorrect information. This shows that you’re engaged in the conversation, listening, and taking ownership for that which you’re responsible.
You don’t have to agree with everything that they say. You might only think that you’re wrong about one point – say so.
It’s not always easy to separate yourself from a situation enough to find the positive. Before you react, step back, calm down, and try to objectively evaluate the situation. This should help you see it in a more positive light.
If the other person does hold a position of authority over you, you might be put in a position of having to agree, or at least not disagree with them.
Whether this person is a friend, family member, or colleague, you have the right to choose who is in your life. If someone is criticizing you baselessly, you might consider that they aren’t a healthy influence for you.
