This is a really effective technique if you get emotional or upset and your immediate urge is to respond.
For example, your note might say, “Why did you schedule that party without asking me?! You’re thoughtless sometimes. " Then, throw the note away without saying that or respond by saying, “I wish you hadn’t scheduled the party without talking with me first. "
For example, if you ask someone if they’d like to babysit your kids and they say, “I’m not sure if I can,” don’t interrupt them. If they’re also frowning and fiddling with their hands, you may tell that they feel uncomfortable with the idea and you shouldn’t press them on it. Focus on bringing a non-judgmental feeling to that conversation—make sure that they know that you’re there to listen and be supportive.
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This is especially true if you tend to complain about things that you can’t change, such as the weather.
The person might feel bad about their behavior later and they’ll appreciate that you didn’t highlight their poor behavior.
Remind yourself why gossiping is harmful. The information you’re sharing could be inaccurate or it might make someone angry, for instance.
It’s also a good idea to keep your mouth shut if saying something would only make another person really angry.
For example, instead of saying, “I’m going to be the lead in the play because I don’t think anyone else has the experience,” stay quiet until you know the outcome of casting.
For example, don’t say, “I was the one who closed the big deal so you all have me to thank. " If you don’t say anything, another person might mention the part you played in the success and it will look better coming from someone else.
If you find that you must answer, you can say, “I don’t know much about this. Does anyone else have any ideas?”
You should also watch the other person’s reaction. For example, if you’re talking too much, they may look away, appear bored, or try to walk off. This is also true with acquaintances that you don’t know very well. People can feel put-off or overwhelmed if you give them too much info about yourself.
You’ll appear more confident, especially if you’re not pausing and saying, “um,” a lot.
Asking questions is especially important in meetings, negotiations, or class.
The more you practice this, the more people will value what you have to say.
