Also kind to others. It’s important that she’s not just kind to you. She should also be kind to others, especially people that she doesn’t have to be nice to (like service workers). It’s easy enough for someone to fake being nice when they think that it’s important, but being rude to people they don’t care about should tip you off that you’re one fight away from her being rude to you too. This also means that she should be fair. Fairness is very important in relationships. Does she offer to pay for things every now and again? Does she split chores and relationship responsibilities evenly? This shows that she thinks about your well being, which is key in a relationship.
For example, if she wants to buy a purse, she should be selling some of her old stuff. She should not just expect you or her parents to just buy it for her. Birthdays and gift holidays are obvious exceptions, however.
Be honest. Honesty is incredibly important in relationships, no matter what kind of people you are and what kind of relationship you have. Relationships require trust and if she isn’t honest with you, then you can only expect problems in the future. [1] X Research source Accept people for who they are, including you. If your girl is judgmental of others, it could only be a matter of time before she’s judging you too. If she is judgmental of you or constantly seeks to change who you are or what you look like, you deserve better and she is probably not the one for you. [2] X Research source
For example, if you tell her something deeply personal (like you think you’re depressed or that you want to be an astronaut), her response should not be to laugh at you or shut you down. She should try to help you, or at least not discourage you, even if she doesn’t agree.
Some people like to be with someone who makes them feel bad, angry, or excited in bad ways. That’s okay for short term flings but it’s usually a good sign that someone is not the “one” for you. Relationships like that rarely work in the long term and you’re signing yourself up for too much trouble to consider the girl to be the one for you.
Does she encourage you do improve yourself and your life? Does she find ways to help you achieve your goals? Does she make you want better things for your future? Does she make you want to work hard? These are all good things.
For example, she should occasionally plan dates for the two of you, instead of you always having to come up with everything. This doesn’t mean that she has to be super active in the relationship. If you’re both relaxed in your approach to being together, that’s fine too. The more important thing is that your attitudes and needs are the same.
Even if the things she does for you are small, that’s okay. Not everyone has time or money to make big gestures. But doing small things, like making your favorite meal or writing you a love note, shows that she thinks about you and wants to show you how much you mean to her.
Sometimes splitting things fairly might not mean splitting them evenly. For example, if you’re sharing an apartment, you shouldn’t split the rent down the middle. Instead, each person should only be contributing about 30% of their income, which is considered the financially responsible amount. That means if you make $4000 a month and she makes $1600 a month, you should be contributing $1200 and she should be contributing about $500.
For example, maybe you’re organized but shy and she’s spacey but outgoing. She can help you learn to be more social and you can help her keep her life in order.
For example, she shouldn’t bring up your father’s drinking problem every time you fight about you staying out late. That is unfair to you and has little impact on the problem in your relationship.
You start your relationship with things in common or you can build common interests over time. Try taking up new hobbies together in order to build new interests. One good example of a hobby to try as a couple is learning a language. You can find free language classes online or you can take a course at your local community center or school.
For example, if she’s a hardcore conservative and you’re very liberal, you’re going to encounter a lot of philosophical differences that can, over time, make you respect each other less. However, if you can find common ground even between different values and priorities, you can sometimes make it work. You see this, for example, in couples with different religions. One might be Jewish and one might be Christian, but they’re both devout in their love to God and that is enough for them. Sometimes the fundamental belief is more important than the details.
For example, it’s okay if she doesn’t plan on pursuing higher education if that is something that is also unimportant to you. However, if education and ambition are things that are important to you, you will find your relationship filled with challenges.
For example, if her friends are really catty and always try to get her to spend less time with you, you should expect that there will be a very bumpy road ahead of you. You’ll have to determine what you want to do about this kind of problem. If these problems weigh too heavily on your relationship and she isn’t willing to work on the problem, you might need to consider someone else. Certainly, you should talk to her about it and see what kind of solution the two of you can create though.
For example, maybe you both grew up with difficult siblings or family members. While someone who didn’t might have a hard time understanding why you don’t want to go home for the holidays, someone who did might be perfectly happy to make your holiday happier by keeping it just the two of you.
