Even if the someone negates their nasty comments with a, “just kidding,” it may be that they are having trouble hiding their anger. An example of a backhanded compliment might be, “Congrats on getting in. I hear that’s great…for a state school. ”

If you suspect someone is unhappy with your performance on a group project, for example, you might ask, “Are you mad about the project?” If they avoid you or say they don’t want to talk, it’s possible they’ve been talking to others about their feelings.

You might say, “I think Lisa is talking about me behind my back. Have you heard any rumors? I wouldn’t ever tell her you told me, but I’m confused about why she’s mad at me. ” It’s vital not to violate the trust of your friend who sheds any light on the talking behind your back. They are potentially exposing themselves to rumors and the anger of others by confiding in you.

You could say, “You know, I really don’t like to gossip about other people like this. I think it’s unkind. Plus, we wouldn’t want someone doing that to us, right?”

For example, if your boss gives your typical weekly project to someone else, it’s worth following up on.

If you’re feeling bold, test the avoidance theory. If you think you see someone talking about you behind your back in a group, stroll right up and sit down. If the offending person gets up and walks away, your suspicions may be confirmed. Doing this also sends the message that you will not be intimidated.

It can help you feel reassured to hang out with trusted friends or family members you know love and care for you.

You might say, “I think you’re talking about me behind my back, and I really don’t appreciate it. If you have a problem with me, let’s sort it out directly. We need to work together, and we both deserve respect. Let’s find a way to put this behind us. ” Remember—the goal is to have a reasonable and open discussion with them. Focus on gathering your thoughts and feelings in a structured way to communicate with them[9] X Expert Source Hyungbum Kang, MA, MSW, LCSW, MACLicensed Clinical Social Worker Expert Interview. 22 July 2021.

If the rumors are really severe and malicious, they could be categorized as slander or defamation. In this case, you might be able to pursue legal action. [11] X Expert Source Hyungbum Kang, MA, MSW, LCSW, MACLicensed Clinical Social Worker Expert Interview. 22 July 2021.