Curious about the different types of attraction out there? Here’s a quick breakdown: Romantic attraction: Wanting to be romantic with someone Sexual attraction: Wanting to be sexual with someone Platonic attraction: Wanting to be friends with someone Sensual attraction: Wanting to cuddle and hug someone Aesthetic attraction: Liking how someone physically looks[4] X Research source Do you feel obligated to have a crush on people of the opposite gender (or feel a societal pressure to identify that way)? If so, you might be experiencing compulsory heterosexuality, or a sense of societal obligation to be attracted to someone of the opposite gender. [5] X Expert Source Marissa Floro, PhDCounseling Psychologist Expert Interview. 9 January 2023.
Keep in mind that experiences of sexual arousal are extremely nuanced, and aren’t concrete proof that you’re gay. For instance, you can be aroused by gay adult media without necessarily being gay yourself. [7] X Expert Source Marissa Floro, PhDCounseling Psychologist Expert Interview. 9 January 2023.
Not all crushes are one and the same—some might be rooted in romantic attraction (the desire to date someone), while some might be rooted in sexual attraction (the desire to be sexual with someone). Some people might develop romantic crushes but never actually be sexually attracted to that person—and that’s totally valid![10] X Expert Source Marissa Floro, PhDCounseling Psychologist Expert Interview. 9 January 2023. Keep in mind that it’s normal to feel attracted to someone who’s the same gender as you, especially when you’re still figuring your sexual orientation. [11] X Research source [12] X Expert Source Marissa Floro, PhDCounseling Psychologist Expert Interview. 9 January 2023.
For example, let’s say you’re a guy who’s had, several girlfriends. If you felt uncomfortable with physical contact with each girl, you may be gay. Keep in mind that you might just not be ready for intimacy or maybe asexual, both of which are okay. You don’t have to do anything that makes you uncomfortable.
As an example, let’s say you tend to think about people who are the same sex as you are whenever you masturbate. You may be gay, but you could also be pansexual or bisexual if you sometimes think about the other gender. Think about who you identify with most during romantic or sex scenes in movies or TV. For instance, if you’re a girl who identifies with the guy character because you want to kiss the girl, you may be interested in girls.
For instance, having a high-pitched voice as a guy doesn’t make you gay. Similarly, preferring short hair as a girl doesn’t make you a lesbian.
You might say, “That color looks amazing on you. ” If you enjoy flirting with the same gender, you might be gay or queer. If you feel like it’s boring or awkward, you may be straight.
Pay attention to how you feel during these experiences. Waves of warmth, excitement, anticipation, a racing heart, and/or a breathless feeling are all signs that you feel free really good and are enjoying the experience. [18] X Expert Source Marissa Floro, PhDCounseling Psychologist Expert Interview. 9 January 2023. Keep in mind that feelings of pleasure and fear sometimes give off similar signals. Take some time to explore if your feelings are rooted in pleasure, anxiety, or fear. [19] X Expert Source Marissa Floro, PhDCounseling Psychologist Expert Interview. 9 January 2023.
Only have sex with someone if it’s really what you want. Don’t be afraid to take things slow. Keep in mind that even if you have a sexual experience with someone of the same gender or another gender, that doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re gay. Likewise, having sex with someone of the ‘opposite’ gender doesn’t have to mean that you’re straight.
Remember: the only person’s opinion that matters regarding your sexuality is yours. Don’t feel pressured to choose a specific label because of what other people are saying. The only person you need to listen to is you![22] X Expert Source Marissa Floro, PhDCounseling Psychologist Expert Interview. 9 January 2023.
If you’re not ready to tell everyone that you’re gay, that’s okay! This doesn’t mean you aren’t proud. It’s normal to be nervous, so take your time and come out when you feel it’s the right time. [24] X Expert Source Marissa Floro, PhDCounseling Psychologist Expert Interview. 18 February 2021.
For instance, you might think you’re pansexual because you’ve dated nonbinary folks, men, and women. However, you might later realize you’re gay. It’s okay to change your mind and re-label yourself.
For instance, you might start with your best friend. Tell them, “Have you noticed that I talk a lot about guys? I think I’ve begun to realize that I’m attracted to men and I might be gay. ” When you tell your parents, it might help to bring educational resources for parents who have queer children. Say, “I love you, so I want to share something important with you. I’m gay, and I’m proud of it. Since I realized this, I’m feeling really happy and excited about falling in love. I hope you can understand and support me. ” Don’t feel like you have to take things slow if you’re ready to come out. If you want people to know your sexual identity, go ahead and tell them. If you’re questioning your sexual identity, seek out people you know will be supportive. That might be a friend, a teacher, a leader in your community, or mental health professional. If you live in an area where you don’t feel you’d have a lot of support, look for online resources, support groups, and forums that could help you. Coming out is a lifelong journey, not something you do just once. [28] X Expert Source Marissa Floro, PhDCounseling Psychologist Expert Interview. 18 February 2021. Coming out is an individual process. Choosing to ignore the ways that people are pressuring you to come out doesn’t negate your identity in any way. For some people, coming out isn’t an option, nor is it a goal, but that doesn’t make those individuals any less part of the community![29] X Expert Source Marissa Floro, PhDCounseling Psychologist Expert Interview. 9 January 2023.
Bisexual: Someone who’s typically attracted to people from more than one gender. This label is very nuanced, and there are different definitions for bisexuality out there—click here if you’d like to learn more. [30] X Expert Source Marissa Floro, PhDCounseling Psychologist Expert Interview. 9 January 2023. Some people say that bisexual people are “confused” or “going through a phase,” but this couldn’t be further from the truth. [31] X Expert Source Marissa Floro, PhDCounseling Psychologist Expert Interview. 18 February 2021. Pansexual: Someone who is attracted to people first and gender second. [32] X Expert Source Marissa Floro, PhDCounseling Psychologist Expert Interview. 9 January 2023. Queer: Someone who doesn’t identify as heterosexual, but doesn’t feel like other LGBTQ+ labels are a good fit for them. [33] X Research source
You can also find support groups online or call a crisis line that’s dedicated to LGBTQ issues. For example, young people living in the U. S. can call the Trevor Project 24/7 at 1-866-488-7386. [35] X Research source Sometimes, it can be really helpful to connect with other people who are going through similar experiences. You can find some of these people online (like in certain subreddits), or in peer support groups through different LGBTQ+ counseling centers. [36] X Expert Source Marissa Floro, PhDCounseling Psychologist Expert Interview. 9 January 2023.
