Think of a shameful experience or old wound from your past. Imagine what you wish someone would have said to you in that moment. What words do you wish you had heard? Write down those words. Next, imagine that the words on the paper are being spoken to you by someone you love, admire, or cherish. This could be a dear friend, or even a spiritual figure. Hear this person saying the words, and allow them to sink in. Notice the emotions you experience when hearing these words. What do you feel? Practice saying these words or phrases out loud to yourself. Focus on your breathing and let the words sink in as you breathe deeply. Notice your emotions as you hear yourself say these words.
Imagine that your friend came to you and expressed that s/he was feeling bad about his or her looks. What would you say? How would you respond? Write these down. Think about the criticisms or feelings you have about your own beauty. How do you respond to yourself in these situations? Write these down. Compare the two. Is there a difference? If yes, why do you think that is? What motivates your responses to others? What motivates your responses to yourself? Write down a few ways that you can change your responses to your own struggles to be more kind and understanding. Research suggests that people tend to choose friends that they see as attractive in some way. [10] X Research source Think about what you find beautiful in the people you love. You may find that your standard of beauty for your friends is far more inclusive than the standard you hold yourself to.
The human brain has a bad tendency to focus on negative experiences and information, allowing the positive things to slip by us. [13] X Trustworthy Source Greater Good Magazine Journal published by UC Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center, which uses scientific research to promote happier living Go to source The next time your inner critic tells you that you aren’t “______ enough,” remember that your brain doesn’t always tell the truth. It has probably overlooked many positive things about you to latch onto something negative, which may not even be true. [14] X Research source For example, you might experience a critical thought such as “I give up. I will never be any thinner than I am. It’s useless to even try. ” There are several ways to handle this type of thought. For example, you could examine why you feel the need to become thinner. Is it for health reasons that you and your doctor have agreed on? Or because you are comparing yourself to someone else’s standard of beauty? Remember that no one else can tell you how you “ought” to look. You could also look for positives about yourself to challenge these negative thoughts. For example: “I will never give up on myself. I may not get any thinner, but I will work out so that I can stay strong and play the sports I enjoy. ” You can also set new goals for yourself that show yourself kindness and acceptance. For example: “I don’t like going to the gym, but I do enjoy going for walks in my neighborhood. I don’t need to work out the way society says I should. I will do what makes me happy. ”
For example: “I am experiencing the thought now that I am not beautiful. This is just a thought. It is not a fact. I cannot control these thoughts, but I do not have to believe them. ” Practicing meditation can also help you become more mindful of your thoughts. You can learn to accept them in the moment without judgement. Mindfulness meditation and loving-kindness meditation are good types to get you started. Studies have shown that meditation can actually rewire how your brain responds to stressors. [17] X Research source
For example, if you experience the thought, “Ugh, my teeth are so crooked,” stop and find something positive: “I have a beautiful smile that can show when I’m happy and encourage others. ” Sometimes, the guilt and judgment we face from the world can make it hard for us to find anything beautiful about ourselves. If this is the case for you, try starting by focusing on the incredible things your body can do. Do you play sports, lift weights, dance, run, laugh, breathe? Can you hug someone, sing a song, cook a meal? Appreciating your body for what it can do for you can help make it easier to find things you like about it. [18] X Trustworthy Source National Eating Disorders Association Nonprofit organization dedicated to supporting individuals and communities affected by eating disorders Go to source
What do you enjoy about yourself and your life? What skills or abilities do you value? What do others compliment you on? What do you love about how you look today? What is one success you had today? What do you find beautiful about today? What is one aspect of yourself that you are proud of? What do you find beautiful about how you impact others?
Identify an experience that makes you feel guilty or sad. Address your letter to your younger self about this experience. Use kind, loving words in your letter. Speak to yourself as you would speak to a friend or loved one who is struggling with guilt. Remind your younger self that mistakes are opportunities to learn, not things that forever ruin your life. Make a plan for how you will use this past experience to grow in the future.
The beauty standards promoted by the media we consume have very real effects on us. Studies have shown that exposure to unrealistic depictions of bodies lead to increased depressive symptoms and dissatisfaction with one’s appearance. [22] X Research source [23] X Research source Do an internet search for “magazine Photoshop failures” or “model airbrushing” to see just how many of these beauty ideals are entirely manufactured. Even supermodels cannot conform to these beauty standards without alteration. [24] X Trustworthy Source Greater Good Magazine Journal published by UC Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center, which uses scientific research to promote happier living Go to source
What was the thought or feeling you had? What were you doing or focused on when you had this thought or feeling? What happened just before and just after this thought or feeling? Why do you think you had this thought or feeling? How do you think you can respond to this thought or feeling differently in the future?
Acknowledge and reflect on positive moments. It’s easy for your brain to ignore positive information because it’s always hunting for the negative stuff. The next time a friend gives you a compliment or you find yourself feeling great about yourself, take a moment to stop and savor that experience. [26] X Trustworthy Source Greater Good Magazine Journal published by UC Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center, which uses scientific research to promote happier living Go to source Focus on how you feel when you notice these positive moments. What senses are you using? How does your body feel? What are you thinking? Reflecting on these aspects can help you remember the positive moment more strongly later. [27] X Trustworthy Source Greater Good Magazine Journal published by UC Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center, which uses scientific research to promote happier living Go to source
Research has shown that what you wear can impact your confidence. For example, one study found that people who wore a lab coat while performing a simple scientific task were more confident and had better results than those who didn’t wear a coat – even though it was the exact same task![29] X Research source If you feel attractive and confident in your clothes, others will pick up on that too. How you dress impacts how you feel about yourself. For example, actors often say that their costumes help them discover their characters. Dress for the “character” you want to be. [30] X Research source Find clothes that fit your body properly. Studies have demonstrated that when people wear clothes that fit well, others were more likely to see them as attractive. [31] X Research source Wear what makes you happy. If you love doing up your makeup, go for it! If you feel happiest when you’re wearing your comfy sweatpants, do it!
Exercise. Exercising releases natural mood-boosting chemicals called endorphins. [33] X Trustworthy Source Mayo Clinic Educational website from one of the world’s leading hospitals Go to source Regular moderate exercise – whether it’s running, swimming, or even gardening – can also make you feel more energetic and positive. [34] X Trustworthy Source PubMed Central Journal archive from the U. S. National Institutes of Health Go to source Just don’t approach it with the idea of “fixing” yourself, or you could actually cause yourself more mental hurt than good. [35] X Research source Remind yourself that you are taking care of your health because you love yourself. Eat well. How you eat can actually affect your mood. [36] X Research source Make sure to incorporate plenty of fresh vegetables, fruits, whole grains, and lean proteins into your diet. If you notice that you don’t feel good about yourself after eating something, consider why. You may want to avoid that food, or you may want to teach yourself new ways of responding to it. And remember: everything in moderation, including moderation. If you’re really craving a slice of peach pie, it’s okay to treat yourself. Pamper yourself. Take a hot bath, go for a manicure, get a massage. Appreciate that you are worth treating well. [37] X Research source Get enough sleep. When you don’t sleep well, you can end up experiencing symptoms including anxiety, depression, obesity, and irritability. [38] X Research source Make sure to take time to get the sleep your body needs.
Ask for a hug! Making physical contact with people you love releases oxytocin, a powerful bonding hormone that can also boost your mood. [42] X Research source [43] X Trustworthy Source Greater Good Magazine Journal published by UC Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center, which uses scientific research to promote happier living Go to source
Bullying about one’s appearance is unfortunately common. If you are the victim of bullying, harassment, violence, or other abusive behavior, report this to the appropriate authority figure, such as your school counselor or HR rep at your workplace.
As it turns out, beauty really is as beauty does. Studies have shown that people who are kind are more likely to be rated as physically attractive than unkind people. [49] X Trustworthy Source Greater Good Magazine Journal published by UC Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center, which uses scientific research to promote happier living Go to source Other studies have shown that people who appear to be empathetic are more likely to be rated as sexually attractive. [50] X Research source
For example, if you are worried about your body image, buy something that you would like to wear but don’t feel confident in. Wear it out somewhere. Repeat to yourself a positive phrase, such as “I am strong and beautiful. This outfit enhances my natural beauty and I feel good. ” Examine how you feel. What did it feel like to tell yourself you were good enough? Did you enjoy the experience? Look at others’ reactions. You may have expected criticism or even disaster. And it’s certainly possible that some people will judge you. However, you may be surprised to find that when you tell yourself that you’re worth love and acceptance, others will often accept you too.
Eating disorders are on the rise, with up to 30 million people in the U. S. suffering from one. [54] X Research source If you feel unattractive or dissatisfied with your appearance, you may be more at risk for developing an eating disorder. Eating disorders are severe medical conditions that require treatment. [55] X Trustworthy Source Mayo Clinic Educational website from one of the world’s leading hospitals Go to source If you frequently experience depression, feeling guilty about eating or your appearance, feeling “fat,” feeling unable to control what you eat, feeling obsessed with the type or quantity of food you eat, or feeling worried that you will gain weight, seek the help of a mental health professional immediately.
