They try to get you to dress like they do. They make fun of your interests. They compare you to other people. They make you do things you don’t like. They try to make decisions for you. They hide or throw away your things. They make you feel insecure.
For instance, let’s say you made a mistake in a presentation and feel embarrassed about it. A good friend will say something like, “You did great overall,” or “You’ll do better next time. ” A toxic friend might say something like, “You should have practiced more,” or “Yeah, you were terrible. ”
For instance, there should be a balance between you texting them to start a conversation and them texting you. Similarly, they should invite you to do things sometimes instead of you always reaching out to them.
As an example, let’s say you have a great new partner. Your friends should be happy for you instead of jealous that they don’t have what you have.
For example, let’s say you’re trying to eat healthy. If your friends are actively trying to sabotage you, they’re not being good friends. Similarly, if you’re trying to stop drinking, good friends won’t try to get you to go bar hopping with them.
As an example, a manipulative friend might say something like, “You don’t care about me anyway,” to make you feel bad for them.
For instance, if you find yourself hiding things from your friends or doing things you don’t like doing, you might not be able to be yourself with them. You might not always agree with your friends. However, a good friend will accept that you have differences and not make you feel like you can’t express them.
It’s okay for your friend to point out mistakes you made or to disagree with you. However, they shouldn’t be mean about it. For instance, a good friend might say something like, “I’ve noticed that you’ve been making bad grades lately. Is something going on?” They shouldn’t say, “Wow! Your grades are really tanking. Study much?”
When you’re having a conversation, they should be totally focused on you, not their phone or what they want to say. Make sure you’re also listening to them when they’re speaking.
If your friend acts like an energy vampire or draws you into drama, it may be a sign that you should find new friends. Track how you feel after several interactions with your friends to get an overall picture. You may occasionally have good or bad days with them, so consider the pattern of how you feel.
For instance, you might both enjoy making art or may both enjoy playing soccer. Similarly, you might share the same drive to help animals or save the environment. It’s normal for people to change as they get older. It’s possible you used to have things in common with your friends but have grown apart from them. If that’s the case, it might be best to find some new friends.
For instance, a good friend will take the time to comfort you when you’re upset. If they promise to meet you somewhere, you can count on them to show up. If you loan them something, they’ll always return it as promised. Keep in mind that everyone has last minute emergencies, so don’t assume the worst if your friend occasionally disappoints you.
Take classes. Attend events related to your interests. Take up a new hobby. Volunteer. Join a faith group.
You might invite them to go bowling, attend an art exhibit, visit a museum, go to an improv show, attend a local concert, or play billiards.
Put your phone on silent so you’re less distracted by notifications.
Trying to apply labels too soon in a relationship puts too much pressure on it, and it might scare off your new friend.
There’s no official timetable for a friendship. Sometimes you’re fast friends, while other times the friendship takes a while to develop.
