If your partner puts you down, gets jealous when you see your friends, or makes you do all the traveling when you visit each other, your relationship probably isn’t healthy. Notice if you find yourself dreading visits or avoiding phone calls with your significant other.
The longer you’ve been with your long-distance partner, the more important it becomes that you break up with them in person. If you can’t break up in person, have the conversation over the phone or a video call. Whatever you do, avoid breaking up by email or text.
For instance, don’t say, “You don’t make enough of an effort to stay in touch. ” Instead, say, “I feel lonely when we don’t talk for days. ”
For example, you might say, “Even though I really love you, the long distance aspect of our relationship doesn’t provide the kind of connection I need and want from a relationship. " Arguing might give your ex false hope that they can talk you into getting back together in the future. You might say, “I know you don’t feel the same way, but I am certain about my decision. "
If you can, take off a few days from work or school and visit family or friends to put yourself in a new environment. Do things that make you happy like shopping for a new outfit or watching your favorite movies. Try writing in a journal to help express and sort out your feelings about the break up.
At your first visit, you might explain, “My long-distance girlfriend broke up with me. She wasn’t a part of my everyday life here, but I still feel so empty and alone. I need help. "
Don’t rush the grieving process. If you’re worried about sitting around being downtrodden, pick a day on the calendar as your “deadline. " Get out all the sadness or frustration, and choose to “move on” after this date. Try to identify one thing every day that makes you feel happy. It could be a small bird landing on your windowsill, or someone giving you a compliment. Consider writing these down in your journal — a collection of these may help lead you toward healing.
You can ask a friend, “I’m having trouble letting go of my relationship. I know you have been through this before. How did you get over the loss of your long-distance relationship?” Or you might find that you just want to spend time with people you enjoy and who make you happy and not discuss your ex. Remember that it’s your choice.
If you struggle with regret frequently, make a list of all the ways breaking up has improved your life.
Now isn’t the time to try to be friends with your ex. You may be able to reconnect eventually, but for the time being, give yourself at least six months to heal and move on.
If part of your regular routine was talking to your ex at a certain time, you’ll want to find something to do instead. Try calling a close friend or making that the time when you go practice your pottery skills.
Mood swings are exactly what you don’t need after a breakup, so avoid sugary foods. Instead, choose whole grains, vegetables, and lean sources of protein, which will help keep your mood and energy levels stable. Cardiovascular exercise, such as running or swimming, is a great mood booster because it prompts the body’s release of “feel-good” chemicals called endorphins.
Using your time productively will help you avoid moping about your ex, and new activities are a great way to make new friends. [14] X Research source
Reach out to one of your friends and say, “I’ve been thinking about signing up for a Zumba class. It looks like such fun! You want to join me?” If you want to expand your group of friends, pursuing new hobbies is a good way to meet people with similar interests as you. Look on sites like Meetup. com, which brings people together based on various interests, like hiking, cooking, or learning a new language.
You might find that the relationship itself was the problem, or you may realize that long distance relationships don’t work for you. Or, you might even become clearer about what kinds of “ground rules” you would need in a relationship that had some long distance components in it. For instance, if you realized that you got hot and heavy too soon in this relationship, be sure to pace yourself next time around. You might even set up rules for taking things slow, such as not meeting the family until a certain time or waiting to become physically intimate.
