While it can be tempting to try to talk about aspects of your double life, it’s better simply not to engage.
If your secret life intrudes on your work day – perhaps a call from your fellow furry Agent Mittens – don’t let the interruption affect your work flow. Go for a walk when you get a free minute and address any issue that arises outside of the office.
For instance, so-and-so mentions wanting to see such-and-such movie this weekend. You’ve already seen it, perhaps while on a secret solo mushroom-trip, or with a romantic partner you’d rather stay secret. Don’t say something like, “You totally should, it’s great!” They might ask when you saw it, or with whom, forcing you into a situation where you’ll have to lie or admit you’re living a second life.
For example, an on-and-off again romantic friend from your second life, Agent Mittens, is upset you were canoodling a bit extensively with Sterling Silver at the last Meet & Pet. Don’t leave Agent Mittens wondering what to think. Tell them how you feel, and how you prefer to interact with others in the environments you spend time in together. Stated simply, when issues arise, address them directly. Unaddressed issues are the most likely reason that people from your second life will intrude upon your first life and expose your secrets.
For instance, don’t say anything about which featured videographer on GuysGoneWild you think is most insightful on Facebook, even in a private message to a friend that shares these interests. Instead, make an account on Reddit where you can find a group with similar interests and keep your thoughts on mustaches, man buns, and fedoras limited to this domain. For double-life online profiles, pick an anonymous username that you don’t use on any other platforms.
Before entering into an affair, think about the potential negative effects that doing so could have on the people you care about. Remind yourself that there are alternatives to having affair behind your partner’s back.
Say something like, “I’ve been thinking about seeing other people. I care about you, and I don’t want to hurt you, but I am frequently tempted to be with other people. Can we talk about having an open relationship?” If they are receptive to the idea, make sure you discuss the parameters regarding appropriate vs. inappropriate behavior. Once these parameters are established, you can go about living a double romantic life. The ability to keep specifics secret about your extra-marital rendezvouses may up the intrigue. That said, always your partner is okay with the fact that you’re engaging in romantic or sexual encounters without their knowledge.
If you wake up regretting what you did the night before, reflect on the reasons you feel poorly. This may help you re-evaluate certain behaviors, and start to try and find a healthy balance between your interests. If you start to develop a problem with addiction to drugs, alcohol, sex, gambling, or anything else, don’t hesitate to get help. In particular, there are likely support groups for people dealing with whatever it is you’re struggling with.
Talk to your doctor about mental health professionals they’d recommend. Similarly, search online for psychologists in your area with experience working with people in situations similar to your own.
