Consider the source of the criticism. Is the person you’re living with generally critical? Does he or she complain about work, school, and other friends? If so, this person may simply have a negative outlook. Their criticism is a reflection of that worldview. It is not an objective judgement of your character. [1] X Research source Try to remember you’re worthwhile. There may be some thread of validity to the criticism. We could all use to improve in some areas. However, flaws and imperfections do not define your character. Your roommate may be right when he points out you always forget to throw out empty milk containers. However, he’s choosing to focus on that flaw over your other qualities. [2] X Research source
Use empathetic listening when someone is being critical. Simply repeat what the critical person is saying to you. This shows you’re listening without forcing you to give in to unreasonable demands. This is a better technique than engaging in an argument. For example, say something like, “So, I’m hearing you think it’s unfair that I forgot to wash my dinner plate last night?"[3] X Research source Critical people will often try to force you to engage with them. If you respond empathetically, they may continue to level criticism. Instead of arguing back, calmly state your opinion. You could say, “I’m sorry that was frustrating for you, but I honestly forgot. I’ll just clean it up now and try to remember next time. " If a person is very critical, they may continue to berate you past this point. Do not egg the person on. Simply continue to restate your opinion. Eventually, the other person will get bored and back off. [4] X Research source
Overly critical people thrive on conflict and drama. The more you respond, the more likely they’ll be to criticize. Therefore, try just responding with monosyllabic answers. When met with criticism, say something like, “Uh-huh,” “Yeah,” or “Okay. “[5] X Research source
Understand you only have to deal with a critical person in the moment. A critical person, on the other hand, has to deal with him or herself all the time. There’s a good chance your roommate, family member, romantic partner, or friend criticizes you because of his or her own sense of inadequacy. [6] X Research source When someone is criticizing you, consider that person’s perspective. There may be reasons he or she is overly critical. For example, say you’re a college student living at home. Your father may constantly berate you about your study habits. Consider his perspective. Maybe your dad never got a chance to go to school himself. He could feel insecure in your presence as you’re achieving something he never had the chance to achieve. The criticism is not personal. It’s a reflection of your father’s unhappiness. Sometimes, simply having compassion for someone can ease your frustration with that person. [7] X Research source
Even if someone is being unreasonably critical, there could be validity to their complaints. As stated previously, we all have bad habits. It can be annoying if your roommate complains continuously that you leave the bathroom floor wet after you shower. However, someone could slip and fall. Rather than getting annoyed, simply try to wipe up any water with a towel when you finish showering.
Be firm, but also be kind. You do not want to be aggressive or disrespectful. This can escalate the situation and lead to an argument instead of a resolution. [9] X Research source Simply state your concern in simple, concrete terms. For example, say your roommate is on your case about your relationship with your girlfriend. Say something like, “I appreciate that you’re concerned about how much time me and Madeline spend together. It’s nice to know you care about me enough to express this. However, I think my relationship is pretty stable. At the moment, I’m happy and don’t need advice. If that changes in the future, I’ll let you know. “[10] X Research source
First, consider what is being criticized. Is it something you can control? If so, maybe you could make the effort to change. You could try doing your dishes after using them. However, critical people have a tendency to nitpick people about things they cannot change. If you tend to laugh loudly when watching funny movies, this is more of a personality trait than a conscious choice. In this case, the criticism may be unfair. [11] X Research source How is the criticism expressed? If you’re living with someone, you need to be able to communicate. If you’re doing something that bothers your living partner, that person has a right to express him or herself. However, how criticism is expressed matters. If the other person is yelling, using foul language, or otherwise being harsh, this is not reasonable. [12] X Research source Why is this person criticizing you? Do you think your roommate genuinely wants you to change, or do you think she just enjoys complaining?[13] X Research source
A critical person may have valid feedback or advice. However, how they dish out this advice is not always helpful. If you have to deal with a critical person each day, try telling that person what is and is not helpful. Eventually, they may learn how to better communicate with you. [14] X Research source For example, say your roommate is lecturing you excessively on how you mop the floor. You’ve already mopped the floor that day. You know you’ll forget this advice the next time the chore needs to be done. Say something like, “I understand you want me to change how I mop the floor. But next time, can you tell me before I start cleaning? I’m worried I’ll forget by this time next week. “[15] X Research source
I statements have three parts. You start with “I feel” and state you feeling. After this, you explain the behavior that led to this feeling. Finally, you explain why you feel this way. This helps avoid blame. You are not telling someone they’re objectively wrong, but rather emphasizing how their actions affect you. For example, say your boyfriend always criticizes you for taking too long in the shower. Do not say, “It’s really irritating when you get on my case about my shower time. I don’t bother you when you’re in the bathroom. This is disrespectful. " When you use language like this, even though you may have a valid point, your boyfriend may feel unfairly blamed or judged. Instead, rephrase your feelings using an “I”-statement. In the above scenario, you could say something like, “I feel disrespected when you lecture me about how long I shower because I feel like I always respect you privacy when you’re in the bathroom. "
Accept any criticism that is valid. We all have bad habits that can irritate a roommate, family member, or significant other. If there’s something you’re doing wrong, even something small, make an effort to change. Try to work on letting go of some of your own resentment. Understand where the other person is coming from and, on occasion, give in to his or her demands. [17] X Research source
If someone is criticizing everything you do, give them the opposite response. This helps show them they cannot drag others into their negativity. If your girlfriend is berating you because she disagrees with your political beliefs, respond with something like, “Isn’t it wonderful we live in a country where we’re all entitled to our opinion?"[19] X Research source Try to avoid placating a negative person. Many negative people thrive on complaining and may continually go on about their problems. They may refuse to listen to any potential solutions. In cases like this, cut the critical person off. You are not helping them by allowing them to complain endlessly. Say something like, “I’m not sure what to tell you, but I’m sure you’ll find the solution. " Then, offer a smile and back out of the conversation. [20] X Research source
Adopt a more positive attitude about life. This can be difficult, especially if you’re met with an onslaught of negativity. However, people are generally happier when they accept their circumstances, good or bad. Try to think to yourself, “It’s difficult to live with this person, but that’s life. I’m still me and I can still enjoy myself. “[22] X Research source Take time away if you need it. Spend a few hours each day outside the house. Go out with friends on your own on a Saturday night. Surround yourself with positive, happy moments and people. This can help you maintain a level of happiness even while living with an overly critical person. [23] X Research source
