You can say, “Hey Barbara, you’re a great person and one of my really close friends. I enjoy hanging out with you because we always have a great time together. However, I noticed that you are beginning to curse a lot. It makes me feel very uncomfortable and anxious. Do you mind refraining from using these words? I can help you. ”
For example, “I don’t mind a curse word here or there, but I feel very uncomfortable when you refer to people and things as ‘fag’ or ‘gay. ’ There are better, more descriptive words that you can use to explain your feelings. ”
For example, if your friend curses at least five times a day, set a goal to reduce the amount of curse words used to once per day. Once this goal is achieved, set a new goal of four curse words per week. Keep going until the use of curse words is eliminated from their vocabulary.
With your friend, make a pact that you will both carry around a small jar or pot. Every time you use a curse word, donate a penny or a nickel to the jar. At the end of the day, you can compare who has more money in the jar.
You can tell your friend, “I know you like to curse a lot, but I think it is having the opposite effect of what you intended. When you use curse words instead of other, more descriptive words, it comes off as immature and excessive. I know I curse sometimes, too. But we can work on this together. "
You can say, “I noticed that you stopped cursing so much. I am really impressed. It takes a lot of effort to change bad habits, especially cursing. Let me take you out to coffee. "
You can ask them, “What triggered you to use that word?” Help them eliminate music, movies, or TV shows that use excessive profanity.
Tell your friend, “Every time you feel like using a curse word, instead of saying the word, use a breathing technique. Close your eyes and slowly inhale. Hold it for a few seconds, and then exhale. Let the moment pass you by. ” Exercise can also relieve pent up anger and frustration. Offer to go biking or running in the park whenever your friend expresses anger and frustration.
Help them look up substitute words in the dictionary that more accurately describe how they are feeling. Help them come up with substitute phrases. For example, tell them to say, “Oh shitake mushrooms,” instead of “Oh shit. ”
