This doesn’t mean that you should cut off communication completely unless you think that’s best. But you shouldn’t text her every five minutes or ask her to hang out with you all the time, unless you want to scare her off. [2] X Expert Source John KeeganDating Coach Expert Interview. 5 November 2019. If you give her space, she’ll also be more likely to think about you. She’ll think, “I haven’t heard from [insert your name here] in a while. That must mean that he’s just fine without me. . . " This will intrigue her and make her wonder what you’re up to. If she initiates a hang out early on, fine. But don’t come on too strong when you do get together. Giving her space is also a sign of maturity. This will make her want you even more. It goes without saying: don’t go too long before you swoop in enough again. Wait long enough so she has time to heal, but not so long that she forgets all of the wonderful things about you. Each situation is different – feel it out. Though as a general rule, give it at least a few weeks, but no longer than two months.
If she was the one who ended things, then you will have more of a challenge on your hands. Think about all of the reasons she ended it; if she ended it abruptly, look through old emails or texts to see if you can pinpoint the problem. If you’re the one that ended it, then you may have a different challenge on your hands. You have to convince her that you won’t break her heart – again.
Part of fixing the problem will mean working on yourself. There’s no way that you were blameless in the relationship. Another part of the game plan will mean that you’ll have to work on how you perceive her; if her obsession with horses drove you nuts, find a way for it to not annoy you before you move on. If you have to work out some major issues, then make a long-term plan for how you’ll do it, whether it’s going to therapy, dropping an addiction, or giving yourself a major personality overhaul in some regard.
Devote more time to your favorite hobbies, whether it’s biking or mechanics. Being more excited about your interests will make you a more fun person to talk to. Work on developing a more positive attitude toward life. If she feels happier just from being around you, then she’ll be more likely to keep wanting to see you.
Casually hang out at a place where you’re both likely to be. Make sure you show up with friends and she sees you laughing and having a good time without overdoing it. If you see her socially, like at a party, don’t drop everything you’re doing to run up and ask how she’s doing. Come up to her eventually – but let her see that you have a busy social life without her.
If you run in to her friends, make a conscious effort to make small talk without being too obvious about it. If you talk to her friends, don’t bring her up immediately. Though you can casually ask how she’s doing and really let them see that you’re hurting, if you’re open to being so vulnerable.
Keep it cool. Be sweet to her while making her wonder if you are just looking to be friends. Don’t shower her with compliments the second she hangs out with you again. Once you’ve started talking again, up the ante. Invite her to do something simple, like grab coffee or check out a lecture together. Don’t ask her to do anything romantic quite yet.
These changes should feel natural to you. Don’t change something about yourself just to please her, or you’ll fall right back to your old ways the first chance you get. If you feel like you really hurt her while you were dating, it’s never too late to apologize. She will be touched that you’ve put that much thought into the relationship after it ended.
Go MIA for a few hours and make her wonder where you are. Her mind will be racing. If you’ve gone on dates, mention them without being too descriptive, so she really thinks that she can lose you.
Check out her body language. When you talk to her, does she lean closer to you and make eye contact, looking at the floor every time she gets embarrassed? See if she’s jealous. Does she ask if you’re seeing other women, or look upset if she sees you talking to other girls? If so, then she may want you all to herself. See if she’s started treating you like a boyfriend again. Has she given you hugs, compliments, and asked you to go on date-like adventures?
Be specific. Show her how you’ve made an effort to change instead of making empty promises. Give her time. If she’s reluctant at first, don’t get angry or disappointed. Remember that even if she does want you back, she still wants to protect her heart.
Though you can bring up the happy memories, try to avoid thinking or talking about any bad experiences you’ve shared, unless you can laugh about them. Don’t take her for granted. Just because you’re dating again doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t take the time to let her know how much you care about her. Take it slow. Treat it like you’re starting a new relationship instead of jumping right back into an old one. Don’t spend all of your time together right away, even if that’s what you were doing before you broke up.
Remember how awful you felt when you made those mistakes the first time. You don’t want to go through that pain again.
If you’re always worrying about messing things up, your girl will be able to tell, and that won’t make the relationship very enjoyable for her.
If you feel like you can’t be yourself without causing a major problem to the relationship, then you have to rethink your priorities. Have confidence. Remember that she loves you – not just a more meek version of yourself who is desperate for her affection.
