If reading is your thing, you might consider starting a book club that convenes every couple of weeks. Invite your close friends to be the first members, then have them reach out to their friends to begin bringing new people into the fold.
Keep an eye out for things that you and the other person have in common, such as a favorite band, TV show, or brand of sneaker. Topics like these can be good icebreakers. [4] X Research source Get rid of any notions you may have of separating your “social life” from your “professional” or “academic” life. Even if you’re not the most social being, you should make it your goal to be sociable in all areas of your life.
Putting yourself in unfamiliar situations can be scary. Just keep in mind that most people will want to like you the first time they meet you. And, if you don’t know them to begin with, you really have nothing to lose. You don’t always have to say “yes” to everything. If the idea of doing something makes you uncomfortable, it’s okay to respectfully decline. [6] X Research source
Join communities related to your particular hobbies, interests, and lifestyle. Don’t just sit back and lurk—be an active participant by leaving comments, sharing posts, joining in discussions, and encouraging your followers to interact with your page or profile. After getting to know someone online, you might eventually even arrange to meet up in real life and take your friendship to the next level. [8] X Research source
Smile! Smiling not only makes you more attractive and less intimidating to others, it also makes you feel better. [10] X Research source As much as possible, avoid crossing your arms, frowning, scowling, standing off by yourself, or disappearing into your phone. This sort of “closed” body language could send the message that you don’t want to be bothered.
Demonstrating selflessness in conversation is also a signal that you would be a selfless friend, which is the kind everyone wants.
Come up with ideas for things to do that you think your potential friends might enjoy. Movies, dinner dates, bowling, bar-hopping, and game nights all make great first-hangout activities. [13] X Research source Being reluctant to reach out or make plans could give someone who doesn’t know you very well the impression that you’re not interested in being their friend. Friendship is a two-way street. If you’d like to spend time with a person, pick up the phone and give them a call.
Your friends don’t have to be exactly like you. In fact, the strongest, most enduring friendships often with spring up between people with contrasting personalities or tastes. [16] X Research source Sometimes your friends choose you, rather than the other way around. Be receptive to friendships that seem to take off on their own.
To push back against your insecurities, it can help to take inventory of your best qualities. Perhaps you pride yourself on being dependable, or you’ve been told you give good advice. No matter who you are, you have something to offer when it comes to your relationships. [18] X Research source Shy people tend to avoid social interaction because they anticipate a negative outcome. Try to break the habit of playing out scenarios in your head before they actually happen—just take things as they come.
For every negative thought you have about yourself, try to counter it with a positive one. If you catch yourself thinking, “I’m so awkward,” for example, learn to laugh at your slip-ups and view them as endearing quirks. [21] X Research source Displaying a positive attitude is especially important when you’re meeting someone for the first time. Be careful not to come across like you’re complaining while talking about yourself. Highlight the good parts of your life rather than the things that get you down.
Don’t overthink things. Social exchanges aren’t tests that you’re being graded on. If you’re debating whether or not to go up and say hi to someone for the first time or add your two cents to a conversation that’s piqued your interest, the answer is yes. By the same token, don’t beat yourself up if you put your foot in your mouth. Treat life as a sketch, not a finished masterpiece. [23] X Research source
The strongest friendships are based on openness and honesty. If someone is truly your friend, they’ll like you for you. By attempting to pass yourself off as something you’re not, you also run the risk of making the wrong kinds of friends, people who don’t actually share your values or your way of seeing the world.
